MONSTER? “NO-SHELL TURTLE”? PLESIOSAUR?!?

It’s NOT a swan. It’s NOT a MONSTER. And as sure as there have been found fish and wildlife that has long since been considered extinct, it’s not unusual to go out at anytime and stumble upon something new. Or VERY old. Considering that only 17% of all vacationing humans (who can afford it) choose to time out at a lake during Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day ( animals call this the HUMAN migration ), does anyone still hear a tree when it falls in the forest? With everyone glued to their ‘smart’ phone, do they really notice, or for that matter, give a f*#K? Since 1975, people are scared poopless of entering into unknown waters, and bull sharks have been found in the Mississippi River in Illinois. But living DINOSAURS?

In Lake Champlain? Possibly. And with all the photos and video over time, we’re still saying ‘WTF?!?’ So really. WHAT IS IT? Has anyone considered that we may have a shell-less Chelonia mydas mydas ( sea/water turtle ) ? Turtles have been known to extend their neck to a brontosaurian profile. To the untrained eye, wouldn’t THIS be a dinosaur?

Take the shell off and add flippers: VIOLA! Lake monster! Let’s also drop the ‘MONSTER’ from the description, since the average ‘giant’ turtle… and plesiosaur… is about the size of a seal or a giant otter.

It won’t be unusual to make some new discoveries this summer, so plan on visiting a big lake with your GoPro and some offerings of cheese and hot dogs: It’s not unusual to find loads of new lake lurkers every year… Bon Chance!

Advertisements

FUTURISM: Happy Birthday!

When Filippo Marinetti published his FUTURIST MANIFESTO in Le FIGARO, a prestigious newspaper from Paris ( which his father held stock in ), on this day of February 20, 1909, the world changed forever. The law graduate-turned-angry-poet was on a mission to shut down the old ways, museums, schools, libraries, and replace them with his Futurist vision. Kind of sounds like what ALL of us angry young artists want to do, eh? Glorify war, shut down feminism and other such utilitarian forms of cowardice, yada yada and open a giant comic book shop that stays open 24-7 with a booze n’ weed lounge and live death metal bands. I remember those days in my youth, but I didn’t have a rich dad who could get my manifesto of sex robots and legalized weed published. And nobody rallied to my cause, ‘cuz seriously, I was nuttier then than I am now…. or am I? Nutty as Filippo was, though, he managed to rally brilliant artists to his cause and deliver dynamic new imagery, stage performance, architecture, music, and yes, even a FUTURIST COOK BOOK, which, to his surprise, was gaining popularity as he passed from this world December 2, 1944. Marinetti got a bad rap for being a fascist too, and as radical as he and his Manifesto was from the get go, he found himself gradually turning away from the mindset after Mussolini gave him the cold shoulder and subscribed to Hitler’s Degernerate Art. Mussolini’s mistress, miss ravioli sauce, or whoever she was who knew NOTHING about art, was placed in charge of directing Filippo and his associates thru the remainder of WW2 which pretty much marked the end of the Futurist movement. We solute you, Filippo Marinetti, for delivering onto the world, the fine art of Balla, Severini, Carra, Crali, Nevinson, Ugo and so many more….. the sculpture of Umberto Boccioni….The music of Luigi Russolo….and the graphic design of Fortunato Depero, whose style is seen to this day in and inspiring commercial advertising everywhere… THANK YOU.

DEATH of a PUPPET

Thoughts of dog toy and spin cycle wash thru my mind first when I think of a puppet death. That or the last show of ALF that left all of us dangling for a new season, if anything, for a new theme song with more energy and less Golden Girl-ish bland. No, the puppet death involved Willy Weasel, out in the great outdoors, hiking and having a great time with Billy Bigfoot, when suddenly, he dies from heart attack. Really. But puppets don’t die: Ask Charlie McCarthy, Lambchop and Howdy Doody. Oh that’s right. They can’t talk because they’re ‘retired’. Willy Weasel, on the other hand, chose to die on camera in the name of heart health. His minute PSA for the American Heart Association ‘ I should have ‘ is a quick education on the healthy ‘ should do’s ‘ in your life. Yah. I should drink less beer and eat less fried chicken. And lay off the Krispy Kremes. This is a great production, and maybe the kids will learn from Willy’s tragedy wilst having joy and fun and seasons in the sun. Yes. That’s it! We’ll have a new healthy generation to run the world. Realistically, though, the world will run them with all the stresses of modern feudalism and material attachments. They will drink. They will eat. They will smoke. They will take pain killers to keep America the #1 country in the world with pain issues. And then in disenfranchisement, some will welcome the end. Wow. This went down a gloomy road real fast. BTW, the ventriloquists aforementioned died from cancer, not heart failure. And Willy Weasel is still alive. Behold. The power of the puppet.

Super Bowl Blackout: What Really Happened?

So just what was the craziest TV commercial during the Super Bowl? I don’t know about you, but many will say the silent black ad of nothing. There you were, just sitting mesmerized, staring out into a sea of nothing. Like maybe something was trying to get a message to you, like some sort of subliminal popcorn or sex thing they used to flash at moviegoers years ago to buy more popcorn, or, well, you know, reproduce more boys for the US war machine. That said, perhaps it was a frequency programming test on everyone: Sound and visuals slightly above or below the range of human hearing and eye sight. So if this WAS a mass hypnosis experiment, has your diet changed? Do you now cluck like a chicken? Do you have the sudden urge to run out and buy Oprah merch? Or maybe you suddenly want to take up basket weaving and birdhouse building. Please comment and let us know if you are the same as it ever was after viewing the blackout, or if you suddenly have diarrhea when Guns & Roses ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ is used in a movie soundtrack for the millionth time. CLUE: Did your dog, cat, chinchilla, ETC go bonkers during the Super Bowl Blackout? HOLLA AT US!