ICEBERG INVASION and VIKING GHOST SHIPS ?!?

The weather topped the news this past weekend when that Facebook founder guy was upstaged by climate gone CrAzY. Not only did some places get 2 feet of snow in the USA, but ice tornados touched down, temperatures froze highways in seconds, and giant icebergs threatened the Mackinac bridge, closing it down while vikings thawed out of one iceberg and made a hasty getaway.

Now waitaminit: I’ve heard some true stories that put this kind of Lit Lit to shame. But we’re not allowed to report the inflated tall tales and back room testimonies between Marky and the officials whose palms will be sufficiently greased and pockets generously stuffed.

It must be sweet to be able to get away with selling Thor to hot pockets.

We want MySpace back.

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GAGA vs. NASIM: SECRET CELEB CLASH?!?

There can only be one GAGA. Diva wars behind the scenes is legendary, and when the turf is tainted by another lioness, thangs can go from chill to crazy psychopathic insane in seconds. FYI: there really IS such a thing as an ‘overnight’ success, especially when your parents are tied in with high power corporate and government. If you’re NOT connected, give up now. You’ll maybe make it to big fish in a small pond. Chances are, you’re blowing your bucks on a dream that WON’T come true.

But then there are those like Nasim Sabz who work their ass off, go days without sleep and push Red Bull stock thru the roof. They publish content that everyone wants to see, except for those in power, especially if they LOOK like someone currently in power. And if you’re pissing off the ‘real deal’, LOOKOUT! PERHAPS such was the fate of Nasime when she fancied the blonde wig that pumped her viewership thru the roof. Despite the crazy Ga-Ga-like image she portrayed in her content, some sources behind the scenes say that Ms. Sabz was a kind-hearted person who would have rather decompressed with a lap cat and a classic book. NOT firearms. But all the good claims and references mean nothing when those in power want you gone.

All of that is nothing compared to witchcraft, HAARP and The Large Hadron Collider at CERN. Put these together and focus them on a location, and BAM! Turns peaceful people into KILLER CLOWNS! Think about it: We know friends who were cut off from nice sums of Youtube payola. BUT They didn’t journey to Youtube with guns, bazookas and burning crosses!

No. Someone in power wanted Nasime gone for good. She was set-up thru hypnosis and negative Middle East Radical Islam profiling. This kind woman met a mind-controlling fate no one deserves. And just because girls wanna have fun and express themselves.

Nobody deserved any part of the YouTube tragedy. Not those victims on the wrong end of the gun, not the victim warped into wielding a firearm, not those who lost their YouTube monetization, and especially the arms dealership with loosey goosey requirements for gun ownership. With such pain and suffering, where’s Jesus and Mighty Mouse when you really need them?

PAUL BUNYAN remodels MALAYSIAN SKYLINE

With the passage of the FAKE NEWS ban in Malaysia, we’re more than certain that many a journalist is reconsidering this destination for vacation. If we’re Mcluvin’ a destination, we’ll hang out for a few weeks and explore, chill with the locals, buy their beer and ghost hunt.
But for 6 years? Willy Weasel is not a fan of being hustled from plane to jail because of a joke piece he wrote in 2006. There ARE destinations out there that WILL look up your social media history and punk you as an example. Just like in that movie Midnight Express. Yah, you could say we’re really, really scurred to visit places with lots of sand. Or where the government changes ‘leadership’ every 38 hours.
Paul Bunyan reminds us that America is still the land of the free with something awesome called the First Amendment. Yah, sure, if you’re a loose cannon like us, there’s a good chance we’ll never be employed by a conservative company. But at least we know secret lynching police mobs won’t lock us away for bad humor and harvest our organs.
Our hat’s off to a government that’s basically structured the same as it’s ever been for 200 years now, doing their best to keep up with a population that’s exploded from 2.5 million in 1776 to 327 million as of last year.

Maybe we need more presidents?
Or maybe we need more Weekly World News?
Like Men In Black say, it’s the REAL news!


STORMY vs. the TRUMP NESS MONSTER

Toss some rice on it, Donna, and get ready for one of the best epic pics of a sea serpent. Ever.
Willy Weasel here to talk about the latest sighting of humps. Or what is that junk inside your trunk and what about them hump hump humps? Aliens could have landed and abducted Ohio. And you still wouldn’t have noticed. Cuz you’re too busy lured in by sex and scandal and the relationships of the royals, or have you forgotten who REALLY taxed your ass this time? Rule of thumb: The 1% elite ruling class will ALWAYS use sex to blind everyone, while behind closed doors, they’re passing a law to gather up the homeless and grind them into spam.

So as much as we may gasp and demonize our latest picture post, remember: I vank a true news and nada lotta sex n’ lies.

BTW: You can read the REAL sea serpent story HERE at the Daily Mail UK.

GREEN BEER KILLS SEA SERPENT?!?

Some of us partied a wee bit too much on St. Patty’s Day. Unfortunately, the sea serpent that washed ashore in Georgia was yet another statistic in the long list list of those who tried to conquer the green keg but failed. The green skin gives it away. And as sure as we are any bar scholar, the ocean-going giant most certainly shrank as result of the curse of the leprechaun. So there it lay, much like millions of us after St. Patricks Day partying, wiped out, crippled in the mud with loss of all faculties. We could argue Bob Dutko apologetics all day over this. But just like millions of us, we’re not apologizing for our partying lifestyle. Cheers to green beer sea serpent thing-a-ma-jig. You lived large.

DETROIT to SYDNEY in 15 MINUTES!?!?

It would be totally DOPE. I mean, wouldn’t YOU like to visit your Facebook friends on the other side of the world, have that EPIC gathering, beer n’ BBQ, friends on the lake, experiencing the culture, the real thing? Or how about that soul mate you’ve been chatting with for years now? You know, that someone you’ve been saving for the multi-thousand dollar round-trip ticket and that dreaded 56-hour flight on multiple airplanes, jets, junk busses and boats only to be turned away at the border because the new Coup d’├ętat hates everyone from your country. Or worse, they detain you for ransom.
No joke about it, ( yup – a country will check your facebook for crude remarks as an excuse to lock you up ), we live in an isolationist society where love and brotherhood are forbidden to flourish. OMG! What would the aliens in power do if we the people came together as a worldwide community instead of their subdivided isolated new world order?
10 minutes to ascend to point A origin and assign point Z destination. 5 minutes to get to point Z. 5 minutes to landing pad and aircraft power source zero point. 15 minutes ago your anti-grav aircraft departed JFK in NYC. Now you’re in Tokyo, Japan waiting for the pilot to give the OK to remove your seatbelts and gather your overhead luggage. And your ticket was about the same price as train fare from Detroit to Chicago. The power source on your new aircraft is linked in between the sun’s radiation, cosmic energy, and earth’s magnet field.

Why did America rush into WW2? Those German scientists were a hot item. When the USA recon saw the Nazi UFO tech in action, America took it to a whole nuther level to get John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt and his associates into instant citizenship with perks. And while the powermongers kept billions hypnotized by spending billions to send giant firecrackers to the moon and scare even more billions with cold war and other weapons of mass distraction, we had a functioning Mars base with all the comforts of home by 2001. ( ok, so they DON’T have drive thru and Wal-Mart. Yet. )


So yes, we DID fulfill Stanley’s vision. And not with Pan Am.
Indeed. Everytime we at Crazy Mark TV see a UFO, we don’t gasp in amazement and point on in wonder, fumbling for our cameras to shoot the 100 millionth out-of-focus dot in the sky. Instead we have a shit fit and wonder why we don’t have our 15 minutes from Detroit to Sydney, London, Paris, Barcelona or Dracula’s Castle in Romania.
And to think: by the time you’ve finished gawking this blog, you’ve just about arrived at your destination on the other side of the planet. Even if it’s a flat Earth. But that’s a whole nuther ball – or pancake – of wax.

MONSTER? “NO-SHELL TURTLE”? PLESIOSAUR?!?

It’s NOT a swan. It’s NOT a MONSTER. And as sure as there have been found fish and wildlife that has long since been considered extinct, it’s not unusual to go out at anytime and stumble upon something new. Or VERY old. Considering that only 17% of all vacationing humans (who can afford it) choose to time out at a lake during Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day ( animals call this the HUMAN migration ), does anyone still hear a tree when it falls in the forest? With everyone glued to their ‘smart’ phone, do they really notice, or for that matter, give a f*#K? Since 1975, people are scared poopless of entering into unknown waters, and bull sharks have been found in the Mississippi River in Illinois. But living DINOSAURS?

In Lake Champlain? Possibly. And with all the photos and video over time, we’re still saying ‘WTF?!?’ So really. WHAT IS IT? Has anyone considered that we may have a shell-less Chelonia mydas mydas ( sea/water turtle ) ? Turtles have been known to extend their neck to a brontosaurian profile. To the untrained eye, wouldn’t THIS be a dinosaur?

Take the shell off and add flippers: VIOLA! Lake monster! Let’s also drop the ‘MONSTER’ from the description, since the average ‘giant’ turtle… and plesiosaur… is about the size of a seal or a giant otter.

It won’t be unusual to make some new discoveries this summer, so plan on visiting a big lake with your GoPro and some offerings of cheese and hot dogs: It’s not unusual to find loads of new lake lurkers every year… Bon Chance!